I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
