quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
