You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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