My hand turned me down
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize