At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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