p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
do nipples grow back?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
