We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
