My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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