Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
