I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
