how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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