I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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