when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
