Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
