i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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