There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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