my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize