so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
