some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
