This is not my ceiling
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
