She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
