JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
