So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
