Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
