In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
