I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
