Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
