if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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