he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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