I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize