I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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