At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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