i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
