I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
