somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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