My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
