That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize