I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
