god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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