speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
