It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
