she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My ATM looks so different sober.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
