The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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