Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
