First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
