woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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