This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
