Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm both gender and math confused
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
