If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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