All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
