apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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