YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
